Sunday, January 11, 2009

If Lever 2000 Cannot Share The Secret Of The 2,000 Body Parts, I Will Count Them Myself.


If you read the recent reply I received form Lever 2000 soap to my simple request for a list of the 2,000 body parts they claim to clean, you will remember that they cleverly skirted the issue and tried to silence me with four free bars of soap. (A t-shirt works wonders, but now that they have me in a lather, so to speak... I just don't know.)

Keep in mind I am doing this for you America. Someone needs to demand some answers from these corporate titans, so I have crafted a reply to their reply, insisting that if a list of the 2,000 body parts exists, then they need to share it with us, or just admit that the whole 2,000 parts thing is some new age hooey!



Despite a soap company trying to wash their hands of me, I went the extra mile and tried to help them clean up their story. I actually attempted to create the Lever 2000 2,000 Body Parts Master List. I sat and thought, Googled and Wikipediaed and I fell so far short of 2,000 it is ridiculous. Like over 1,800 parts short. As you can see if you study the list, I went above and beyond the call of duty. I counted both ears, breasts, arms, even testicles. I counted not just fingers, but knuckles, fingernails, even the damn cuticles! I even found out what they call that little patch of skin between your front privates and back privates.



All that counting failed, but I am sure you will agree that if they are counting internal organs... well, that just isn't fair. I have never washed my liver, though it occasionally could have used some drying out. It can't be individual hairs, as even on my depleted scalp there must be many thousands. What gives?

The letter is in the mail, back to the Lever 2000 team. Let's hope they treat this with respect and give us the list of parts, or I just might have to take this to the next level. Maybe ask for the manager or something. I could always switch to another brand. Don't mess with me Lever 2000!


2 comments:

Charli said...

Holy Shit. You are dedicated to your cause. Makes me proud to be an American.

I really can't wait to see what their response is!

Truman Soloist said...

Hmmm...you seem to have fallen into a Ralph Naderesque parallel type of universe thing with this blog. As long as you're having fun...