Lever 2000 Soap Responds To My Question With A Vague, Double-Speak Kind Of Reply.

I love the Lever 2000 soap product, so much so that I spend many hours whiling away the time, deep in thought, well scrubbed and wondering--- 2,000 parts? Does a body really have 2,000 parts.
I have many irrational and bizarre thoughts coursing through my mind at times, but I have learned over the years that I am not alone. No matter how strange, other people seem to have the same concerns. So I determined to get the real answer for all of us. What are the 2,000 body parts that Lever 2000 claims to clean?

Below you will find the original letter that I had sent to Unilever, the makers of this fine soap. My daughter said she had heard Unilever actually sends out a brochure with all 2,000 body parts listed. Click on the image for a larger view.

I received the response below from Unilever just this weekend, and I have to say I am less than disappointed. Again, click for a better view.

Chris Greene, customer service representative, answered my letter and he said they "appreciate the opportunity to respond", but that "we are unsure of how to help you". Chris goes on to request that I call him personally, and I just might do it, though I have to confess this all seems a little bit 'conspiracy theory' to me. I mean, I already am in a bit of a worried state as to certain questions, hypothetical questions, that I presented to Colgate toothpaste recently. These are huge international companies. They maybe could have me just disappear, turned into Lever 2000 soap flakes or something. But I will go the distance for OomBa Mail readers and continue in my quest to get a straight answer. Are there 2,000 parts, really, or is it a cheap and tawdry advertising scheme?

In an effort to buy my silence Unilever included not one but two coupons, coupons for not one but two FREE bars of soap. Seems a little cheap to be a bribe, but who knows. After all, Colgate has offices on Park Avenue and Unilever forces their poor drones to send these letters out from New Jersey. But four bars of soap? The reason I use Lever 2000 is I won third place in a sweepstakes and they sent 72 bars. Now that was a goody bag that made me a customer for life or some portion thereof. If you want to pay me off at least dredge up a t-shirt. I asked. Look what Sonic Drive-In sent me!

Stay tuned for a follow up letter to Mr. Chris Greene!

Read my new letter and attempt to help Unilever solve this issue.