Napoleon Dynamite Travels The World

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If Lever 2000 Cannot Share The Secret Of The 2,000 Body Parts, I Will Count Them Myself.

If you read the recent reply I received form Lever 2000 soap to my simple request for a list of the 2,000 body parts they claim to clean, you will remember that they cleverly skirted the issue and tried to silence me with four free bars of soap. (A t-shirt works wonders, but now that they have me in a lather, so to speak... I just don't know.)

Keep in mind I am doing this for you America. Someone needs to demand some answers from these corporate titans, so I have crafted a reply to their reply, insisting that if a list of the 2,000 body parts exists, then they need to share it with us, or just admit that the whole 2,000 parts thing is some new age hooey!

Despite a soap company trying to wash their hands of me, I went the extra mile and tried to help them clean up their story. I actually attempted to create the Lever 2000 2,000 Body Parts Master List. I sat and thought, Googled and Wikipediaed and I fell so far short of 2,000 it is ridiculous. Like over 1,800 parts short. As you can see if you study the list, I went above and beyond the call of duty. I counted both ears, breasts, arms, even testicles. I counted not just fingers, but knuckles, fingernails, even the damn cuticles! I even found out what they call that little patch of skin between your front privates and back privates.

All that counting failed, but I am sure you will agree that if they are counting internal organs... well, that just isn't fair. I have never washed my liver, though it occasionally could have used some drying out. It can't be individual hairs, as even on my depleted scalp there must be many thousands. What gives?

The letter is in the mail, back to the Lever 2000 team. Let's hope they treat this with respect and give us the list of parts, or I just might have to take this to the next level. Maybe ask for the manager or something. I could always switch to another brand. Don't mess with me Lever 2000!

Lever 2000 Soap Responds To My Question With A Vague, Double-Speak Kind Of Reply.

I love the Lever 2000 soap product, so much so that I spend many hours whiling away the time, deep in thought, well scrubbed and wondering--- 2,000 parts? Does a body really have 2,000 parts.
I have many irrational and bizarre thoughts coursing through my mind at times, but I have learned over the years that I am not alone. No matter how strange, other people seem to have the same concerns. So I determined to get the real answer for all of us. What are the 2,000 body parts that Lever 2000 claims to clean?

Below you will find the original letter that I had sent to Unilever, the makers of this fine soap. My daughter said she had heard Unilever actually sends out a brochure with all 2,000 body parts listed. Click on the image for a larger view.

I received the response below from Unilever just this weekend, and I have to say I am less than disappointed. Again, click for a better view.

Chris Greene, customer service representative, answered my letter and he said they "appreciate the opportunity to respond", but that "we are unsure of how to help you". Chris goes on to request that I call him personally, and I just might do it, though I have to confess this all seems a little bit 'conspiracy theory' to me. I mean, I already am in a bit of a worried state as to certain questions, hypothetical questions, that I presented to Colgate toothpaste recently. These are huge international companies. They maybe could have me just disappear, turned into Lever 2000 soap flakes or something. But I will go the distance for OomBa Mail readers and continue in my quest to get a straight answer. Are there 2,000 parts, really, or is it a cheap and tawdry advertising scheme?

In an effort to buy my silence Unilever included not one but two coupons, coupons for not one but two FREE bars of soap. Seems a little cheap to be a bribe, but who knows. After all, Colgate has offices on Park Avenue and Unilever forces their poor drones to send these letters out from New Jersey. But four bars of soap? The reason I use Lever 2000 is I won third place in a sweepstakes and they sent 72 bars. Now that was a goody bag that made me a customer for life or some portion thereof. If you want to pay me off at least dredge up a t-shirt. I asked. Look what Sonic Drive-In sent me!

Stay tuned for a follow up letter to Mr. Chris Greene!

Read my new letter and attempt to help Unilever solve this issue.

Sonic Says "Holy Fresh Fruit Smoothie Alan", Have A FREE Shirt!

Sonic Drive-In went the distance and in response to my letter complaining about too much ice and too little strawberry in my Fresh Fruit Smoothies, they sent a cool letter, which being the putz that I am I promptly misplaced. The letter apologized, said sometimes it happens, advised me to NEVER leave unsatisfied, to ask to have the drink remade or re-blended. In addition, they gave me the names of managers at Sonic Drive-Ins along the route of my road trip! Best of all they sent a FREE XL Sonic knit sport shirt, not just a tee. It's nice and heavy, well made, with the Sonic logo proudly, yet discreetly embroidered on the back just below the neck. Cool!

Neat logo, hmmm? Well placed, very professional. Well, they already were my favorite place to get a burger, hot dog, or smoothie. Click on the logo or here to visit the Sonic website.

Here's the original letter if you want to read it. Click on it for a better view.

I am planning to give away as prizes both of the shirts I have received and also any other cool stuff that might come in. I think maybe your choice of prize for the first 25 followers, and then at 50. What do you think?

Alan

OomBa Mail

Colgate Toothpaste. What's With The Drug Data And Poison Control Information On The Box?

It's true, check the back of your box of toothpaste and see the drug and health warnings. Seriously, if you and I were trying to get a product on the market that required these warnings, a product designed to go into the mouth, I shudder to think of how quickly we would be shut down.
So, Colgate, let's see what the answer is to my hard-hitting questions. (I hope my little diversion into asking if toothpaste could ever be used as a murder weapon doesn't get them too... frothy!)
As always, click on the letter for a better view.

Hollister Clothing Stores. Ever Try To Find A Store That Doesn't Have A Sign?

I am sure it is just me, and I am getting old. I cannot bring myself to think of rap as music, or as poetic, even if it occasionally rhymes. I don't spend my days ignoring the friends around me to text message the ones who are not. I have no My Space page. So maybe it is the younger thing today to love shopping at a store that has absolutely no signage.
That's right, Hollister Stores has no sign, and in the letter below you will see that while that may fly well with the set that considers the mall a second home, my elderly mother might just disagree. As always, click on the letter for a better view.

Alan

OomBa Mail

Lever 2000. Oh Yeah? Can You Tell Me All 2,000 Parts You Clean?

Lever 2000 is a very good product. Just so happens that I won a year's supply a few years back, and have been a faithful user ever since. But I have gone to bet for all of you to get a final answer to a question that has haunted me, other people, and probably you for years. Exactly which 2,000 body parts does Lever 2000 clean?

Seriously folks, are there even 2,000 body parts? Not counting inside the body as I am sure you rarely scrub your kidneys clean. Read the letter below and know that as soon as I have the official list I will publish it for you all right here on OomBa Mail, free of charge!

Alan

OomBa Mail